Monday, March 05, 2012

32 Weeks

Remember how I said that 30 weeks is a big milestone for me? Well, 30 is really exciting, but then every week after 30 goes sooooooo stinkin' slooooooooooow. Especially when close friends of yours give birth around now ;  ) (Congrats Aaron and Sarah!) I have been paying much closer attention to each passing day. Bad idea. It really makes time crawl. I try to distract my mind with my life apart from baby, but I think it is inevitable. The whole "nesting" thing has taken over my brain and I can't seem to regain control. So.... we wait.

I have been so grateful for deep, peaceful sleep up until now. I am starting to notice that changing this week. I have not been sleeping as well. I toss and turn frequently from discomfort, and have to get up several times to go to the bathroom throughout the night. I take comfort in knowing that each uncomfortable night, is one night closer to meeting sweet Bambino.

On a more serious note, I am approaching this week with a sad heart, remembering that I was due with Flynn on March 10th, which is this Saturday. And since I always go early, I am sure he would have been in my arms by now. It is a strange thing to mourn the loss of one child, while preparing to greet another. But somehow, thankfully, my mind has completely separated the two. Separate people, separate feelings. This is something I never would have understood, if I had not been in this place. If I had not had a miscarriage. I feel the pain from losing Flynn still and will never stop missing him, and yet still rejoice at this life within me knowing that s/he is not a replacement, but rather a sibling.

32 weeks


Jamie said...

I'm right there with you! Kaylee's birthday is Friday and my heart is very heavy. My feelings are similar...Cameron to me is simply a sibling we had earlier that we would have otherwise, but certainly not a replacement child. They are two separate things, with separate feelings. As great as it is to have Cameron in my arms, it is very obvious to me that my family is and always be incomplete this side of heaven. Praying for you!

erin said...

"...but rather a sibling."
Very well said. I am praying for you.
You are looking great! Thanks for your faithful posts! It's nice to see how you're doing even when I don't get to see you!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you today and praying for you. Love you!