Friday, October 12, 2007

Rear Window


I have taken up where Jimmy Stewart left off. I sit on my couch next to the window for so many hours a day (with baby attached, if you know what I mean), that I have become the neighborhood snoop. I know what is going on in almost every house across the street. Three doors down, the boyfriend with the long, stringy rattail got kicked out, and there is a new very Abercrombie-looking boyfriend that has taken his place. This new boyfriend has a fiery temper and threw out their friend with the neck brace in a string of f-bombs that would make a sailor blush. Neckbrace walked down the street and rounded the corner, never to return again. (I was waiting for him to come back an hour later and start digging a hole in the garden, just like in the movie. Didn't happen.)

On to the next house... Jersey (thus named because I never saw him wear anything besides a football jersey), and his smoker girlfriend just moved out. The house was up for rent for 5 days before a new couple moved in. Their names are Muscleman and Trampy. Muscleman got his name because he has yet to appear wearing anything besides a ripped-off, too-tight T-shirt. (His muscles really aren't that big.) Trampy is a classic trailer-trash woman. She has bleach-blonde hair constantly pulled back in a ponytail, a cigarette always in hand, long, garishly painted fingernails, and always has on extremely tight jeans, with an over-sized sweatshirt. This couple has taken up the habit of hootin' and hollerin' in the middle of the night. Whenever I am in the nursery breastfeeding (again, next to the window) at 3AM, I am regularly greeted by a "Woooooo!" from across the street. It is one of those sounds that only a very drunk person makes.

I am discreet in my spy game, but if anyone ever caught me peeping through the slat of my window shades...

7 comments:

kristi noser said...

Sounds like your neighbors are too busy to wonder about li'l ol' you.

kristi noser said...

I'm glad to kow I'm not the only one who names people by how they look or act.
If I didn't know you two it would be "Cute hair-changing girl and Mr. Happy."

Joey said...

I'm a huge fan of Jimmy Stewart (and The Rear Window), so this post was especially fun to read!

Just as long as you haven't seen anyone constantly going in and out of their house with a briefcase...

erin said...

Oh, how funny! You are a lot like Gladys...
I think I'll be Grace Kelly and "pop in" to see you and the babe some time soon!

Anonymous said...

"Trampy is a classic trailer-trash woman."
Do you realize how judgemental that sounds?
Glad I'm not your neighbor.

Naomi said...

Anonymous,
These observations were made after sitting in front of the window for hours on end. I get very bored and were made entirely out of fun. I am sure my neighbors are very nice people and not trampy at all.

By the way, who are you? If you are going to comment on my blog, at least have the balls to sign your name.

erin said...

Anonymous, thanks for coming around to judge.
Have a good one!