Happy Birthday, Angel!

Jazlyn turned THREE on October 7th!

She wanted her ears pierced "like Sophie and Mommy"

Ears pierced, matching red butterfly necklace, and a sucker... a good birthday!

Happy Birthday, Big Girl!

Sophia turned FOUR on September 27th!

And had her first night of AWANA the next night!

I'm Pregnant!

We are expecting wee baby in late April!

After three babies over the past four years, things tend to move right along in the "showing" department.

9 weeks

This is actually 11 weeks.
I know the sign says 12.
Whatever.

Sophia and Jazlyn informing me that "there is a baby in there, Mama."

My daughters insisted this was a better look for me...

Go Find It!

Me: I am very sorry, girls, I lost my temper. I should not have shouted at you. Will you please forgive me?

Jazlyn, crying: Maaamaaa, you need to go find you temper!

Blowin' Berries

One of Brody's latest obsessions is pulling up my shirt while I am sitting on the floor, and blowing raspberries on my back (or on yours...). A couple of days ago, he was back at it...

Jazlyn: What is he doin Mama?

Sophia: Ooooh, ha ha. He's blowin' blueberries!

Five Minutes Peace

Jazlyn laid out a pillow and blanket on the living room floor, and guided me to it.

"Lay down, Mama. It's time for nigh-night. Lay down, shhhh, good girl, go to sleeeep...go to sleeeep," she crooned as she covered me up with the blanket, and stroked my hair.

I willingly submitted. The girls continued with their playing. Just as I was really starting to relax, Jazlyn grabbed my face with both hands, one on each cheek, and got about two inches from my face, "WAKE UP! TIME TO WAKE UP!!!"

My eyes jerked open, startled by the sudden shock back to reality. Sophia was sitting next to my head as well, and declared with wide eyes, "Mama, you slept for FIVE MINUTES."

My eyes grew wide, as I said, "FIVE WHOLE MINUTES? That's the most I've slept in yeeears!"

Sophia solemnly nodded in agreement.

School Girl

Today marks a big milestone for us.

It is Sophia's first day of school.

HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

I cannot believe how fast she has grown and reached this point.

We have made the decision to homeschool, and her first day went very well. She couldn't get enough. After two hours, and five subjects, I told her school was done for the day, and she stuck out her lip and moaned, "Noooo! I want to do more school."

A good start, I believe.

Alphabet!



Learning about the World



Diligent and focused

That Be True

Jazlyn, wailing: Iiiiiit's not fair... Iiiiiiit's noooot faaaair.

Sophia: What's not fair, Jazi?

Jazlyn: It's noooot faaair.

Sophia: WHAT'S not, Jazi?

Jazlyn: MY LIFE.

The Outting

This afternoon, I thought I would take a nice jaunt to the store. I strapped in the kids, and off we went. All I needed to get was two pairs of infant's pants. Easy.
We arrived at the store, and immediately upon entering, Jazlyn took a seat and removed her shoes. Sophia thought sitting looked fun, and plopped down next to her sister. They conveniently chose a spot that would block the most traffic of entering patrons. Meanwhile, I was strapping Brody into a cart, dropping my purse, picking it, then dropping my keys, then tripping as I turned to the girls to remove the dam they jointly created. Great start.

We proceeded to the baby section. While I searched vainly for the perfect pants (they apparently don't have their fall collection out yet. Shorts galore.), the girls played cat-and-mouse, chasing each other throughout the entire baby section, screaming each time one of them rounded a corner. I always knew where they were. So did everyone else. Meanwhile, the distinct smell of diarrhea prickled my nose. I looked down at my young son, who looked back at me innocently. The diaper bag was in the car. Okay, pick the pants quickly and let's get outta here. Brody did not like that decision and tried with all the desperation in his body (which was a lot) to let me know just how miserable and unhappy his life was. Jazlyn, where are your shoes? Brody wanted freedom. So I plucked him from his cart cage and set him on the floor. I turned back to the pants, which I had not actually had a chance to look at yet. Three seconds later, I flicked my eyes over my shoulder to check on the boy. Gone. I found him on the other side of the baby section. How?! I scooped him up and returned him to his cart cage. NOT HAPPY.

Back to the pants. Blue. Good. Brown. Good, but khaki or chocolate? Hmm. Khaki. No, chocolate. Khaki? Chocolate? Mommy, my dress is all wet. I had a accident. Chocolate. WAHHHH. I don't want to wear my shoes, they are all wet. WAHHHH. Jazlyn, put your shoes on!

Moving on. A brief stop in the toy section would make everyone happy, right? Right? Wrong. Brody, who was nearly hoarse from crying at this point, neeeeeded to look at the toys. So, loving mother that I am, I unstrapped him, and set him free. He ran straight to the bottom shelf and cleared it as quickly as his little arms could do so. While I dutifully returned each item to its proper place, Brody ran to the other side of the aisle and cleared it as well. Back to the cage. This is war. Time to go. Jazlyn, put on your shoes. I ripped the girls away from their Barbieland fantasy, and quickly headed to the front, not waiting for the guaranteed objections.

I scanned the crowded check-out lanes and chose the shortest one. Can I have this candy, Mom? No! By this time, Brody was a writhing ball of screaming baby. How about this one? No! He clasped my shirt and pulled with all his might. I picked him up and I hugged him to my body. He pushed away. This one? No! We are not getting any candy! I put him down, he wanted up. I picked him up, he tried to wiggle down, whining like I was really starting to annoy him. (Me annoy him!) People were starting to sneak glances in our direction. Ten minutes passed like this. Was the person in front of me buying the whole store?? Mooom, Look! Look! Jazlyn opened a candy!

That's it. We are outta here. I threw the two pairs of baby pants on top of the Coca-Cola case at the end of the lane, grabbed the candy and shoved it back on the shelf and turned to make our escape. Jazlyn was sobbing about wanting the candy. Brody was sobbing because he wanted freedom. The lady behind me looked so startled at my blazing eyes of fire, that I think I froze her. With my fire. She made a feeble attempt to move out of my way, but I wasn't going to wait. I circled her, and marched out the door, with every eye upon us. I was the horrible mom, with two sobbing children, with blazing eyes of fire. We marched out into the parking lot. Sophia, the only one not crying, dutifully stuck by my side, until she tripped and fell, scraping her knee. There we go. Now all three were crying. And where was our car? Wandering the parking lot with three sobbing children, and every eye in a three-mile range heaping their judgements upon you, is not fun. I'm just sayin.

We finally found it. I changed diapers. I breathed deeply. I gave hugs. I asked for forgiveness. We went home. Glorious home. Shopping is overrated.

The End.

P.S. Jazlyn's shoes never made it home. And I am not going back for them.

Same Difference

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together."

So the doctor said: "Ok, and what do you want me to do?"

She said: "I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this."

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: "I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too."

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: "You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms.This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms."

The lady was horrified and said: "No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!"

"I agree", the doctor replied. "But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution."

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same.

 "Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself..."
　
　(received via email, author unknown)

Ignorance is Bliss

Accomplishing anything at my house automatically involves crying. If I am making dinner, there is at least one child crying at my feet that they are staaaarving. If I am folding laundry, there is at least one child crying as they topple over my piles of folded clothes. If I am washing a floor, there is at least one child crying after slipping on the floor. You get the picture.

People have often told me that they "just don't know how I handle all the chaos so well." I always nod my head and politely thank them. But I'm going to let you all in on a little secret:

I have not learned to handle it really well, I have learned to ignore it really well.

House Cancer

Our house has cancer. Ceiling cancer to be exact.

The tumor

The surgeon

Circa 1987

Me, Mom (Becky), Ben, Dad (Jim), Andy

Growing

Check out my new pages. Above.

Bloomed

At eighteen, when I was thrown from my comfortable life into college, I felt lost. I hear this is common. My love of creative arts was just about to blossom, but was still only a bud showing its first hint of color. I didn't find any majors in scrap booking. I toyed with the idea of jewelry-making for about a minute. Cosmetology teased my thoughts several times. I always found a reason to reject concentrating in any one area, because frankly, I was lazy. I couldn't wait to graduate high school, and to be perfectly honest, only went to college because my loving parents urged me to. (This is not news to you, right, Mom and Dad?) The closest major to anything "artsy" that my small Christian college had was Liberal Arts. So after a year, I transferred to a state university. When I started my second year of college, I looked into Early Childhood Education, hoping that would satisfy my creative side. After sitting through my first class, I dropped it, and changed my major to Liberal Arts. (The official major of Un-decideds everywhere.) I was really only interested in one major at that point: marriage. I didn't even want to finish my second semester. I had a wonderful man who wanted to marry me just as much as I wanted to marry him. Why bother finishing? But once again, loving parents to the rescue. After reminders that I only had one semester left to get my Associates in Liberal Arts, I trudged back to school and graduated.

Fast forward ten years. I am now a twenty-eight year old mom of three. My oldest is three. I stay busy. My interest in creative arts is now in full bloom. (Who knew it took seven years of marriage and three kids to open that bud?) My interests have matured, and now I see a dozen different paths I would love to run down. Photography, writing, interior design, painting, wedding planning, sewing, fashion...

But for now, my biggest interest is my family. My children. My husband. Perhaps someday I'll have time to pursue these passions more intensely, but for now, I photograph my kids, I write on my blog, I decorate our house, I paint art for our walls, I sew blankets for our beds and curtains for our windows, and well, my fashion right now is thrift store made. (Who am I wearing? Oh, my shoes are Goodveel, but this top is Valyoo!) But I love it. I love it all. I love how easily my interests fit into my daily life as a wife, mother, homemaker.

Conversation

Sophia was in the midst of instruction after committing a series of heinous crimes, when the following conversation ensued...

Me: Sophia, you are letting sin win in your heart. Jesus is fighting against the sin in your heart, but you need to need fight against the sin too, and help Jesus to win in your heart. Do you want sin to win? Or Jesus to win?

Sophia, (pointing to her chest): Mom, Jesus is playing golf in there?

Moving Forward

I must confess, I have had a hard time posting again, (even though I have no shortage of material to post) because as soon as I publish a new post, that means that the posts about Flynn aren't on top anymore. They aren't the first thing I see when I log on. As the days march on, the hurt of losing Flynn grows a little dimmer, and that terrifies me. So I log on at least once a day to watch the "Tribute to Flynn" video. I don't want to forget. I want to remember Flynn and what he meant to me, to our family, just as much as the day we lost him.

But God is healing my heart, and teaching me that I will never forget our precious babe. That it is okay to continue with normal life. That moving forward, does not mean forgetting. So here come the posts... Flynn will always be in my heart, even if he is not the topic of my latest post.

Tribute to Flynn

This is much more for my benefit than any of yours. It was a crucial step for me in grieving and moving forward. I need to make sure Flynn's life, though it was very short, is still recognized as a life. He was here. He was part of our family. Part of our present. Part of our future. So I made this video to capture the memories we made as a family during his short life. So I can look back and remember these days.

Celebration of Life

We set today aside as a celebration of life in honor of Flynn. Jared took the day off, and we spent the morning together as a family.

First thing this morning, we woke up and headed to Lakefront Park to feed the ducks

Next stop, the CANDY SHOP. Naturally.

Knokes





Then, off to the park...

the boys chillin at the park

Sophie Cole

The Brode Toad!

Restin with Mama

Jazi Lu

i love him.

By that time, the kids needed naps, and Mom and Dad needed some quality time alone to digest everything. So my amazing sister, Anna, came to play with the kids while we escaped for awhile. We enjoyed a delicious lunch at Agave Kitchen, talked, cried together, and made the final decision on his middle name, Vidal (full of life).

It wasn't all smiles today. Many tears were shed. I broke down (again) when our onion petals arrived and this was the first one Jared picked up.

YUM-O

Chimichanga!

Me and my loves

Tonight, to finish off the celebration, I am making a big batch of banana smoothie. For the past several weeks during the pregnancy, one of the things that always sounded good when nothing else did, was a banana smoothie. Ironic, since I'm normally not crazy about banana flavored things. But I guess Flynn was ; )

Flynn Vidal

Flynn Vidal

The good Lord saw fit to invite our sweet precious baby to live with Him in heaven today. Through our deep sadness at missing out on Flynn's life here in our family, we know in our hearts that he got the best life possible right from the start. So we have cause to be jealous of sweet baby Flynn.

We told Sophia and Jazlyn how wonderful their brother's life is in Heaven, and that he is playing with Jesus, and Grandma Jan, right now. Sophia has shed several tears for her lost sibling, which is one of the first glimpses of true compassion we have seen born in her heart (and thus makes Mama burst into a fresh round of tears).

HIS NAME 

FLYNN

I was seven weeks along when Flynn went to his new home. We asked Sophia and Jazlyn if they thought the baby was a boy or girl. They both shouted "BOY!" So there ya have it. It was a boy. And when asked what we should name our baby boy, Sophia dreamily crooned, "Flynn Ryyyyder." (Tangled, anyone?) Jazlyn agreed wholeheartedly. And that's how Flynn was chosen.

VIDAL

Jared has a lot of Italian blood in his veins, so we had decided last week that for this baby we wanted to choose an Italian name. After I realized I was miscarrying, I felt an urgent need to find a perfect name to honor our precious baby. When I read the meaning of the name "Vidal," I couldn't hold it together anymore. I knew it was the right name. It was perfect. Vidal means "full of life." We know that Flynn is more full of life now than he ever would've been here.

We love you Flynn Vidal.